Ms. Young, May I Suggest an Ice Cold O'Doul's?

Updated 1/30/08: Footage from the the scene of the DGA heckling.

Look, we've all gotten blitzed and said a few things publicly we shouldn't have. In fact who hasn't gotten drunk and blamed the Jews for all the problems of the world? Hey, it happens. And let's not kick a poor woman when she's down.

That is, unless she deserves it.

Once the poster child for insane actresses everywhere, whackjob wunderkind Sean Young was fortunate enough to simply be forgotten. Death to an actress but probably the best thing for a working mother. In one of Entertainment Weekly's slowest week's ever last Fall, Sean Young gave an interview where she mentioned taking a computer course. Perhaps this would enable her the skills to turn on a computer, access the internet and auction off her undies on eBay to panty-sniffing Bladerunner fanatics or to set herself up for a plum role as the go-to Monday temp at Apple One Employment Services.

Either way, she opined that if she could only take -- get a meeting with George Clooney, she'd win him over as his latest leading lady. She moaned that she could have had Julia Roberts' career. Yes, so should about 10,000 other actresses, but they didn't and Julia is an Oscar-winning millionaire stuffing solid gold binkies into her babies' mouths.

Sean baby, I should have gotten into the University of Irvine's grad program. I should have won the Toyota Camry in that Glendale Galleria sweepstakes. I should have rounded the bases with dozens of hot girls I had crushes on in my youth that never glanced my way in class, let alone allowed me to adjust my wiggling loins as we slow-danced to Journey's Open Arms. Life ain't fair, sweetheart, but to get lit and heckle an old-timer at the DGA Awards? Hell, that's a ceremony you had about as much right to attend as Donald Rumsfeld would at a MoveOn.org fundraiser.

Ms. Young, instead of being the escorted-out-the-back-door-of-the-ball belle of the ball, it's time to actually wait for an invite to the ball. And if that invite never arrives, then stay home with your two kids. Rehab is not the ideal place for your children to visit you at.

To paraphrase Dean Wormer from Animal House, "Botoxed, drunk and kicked out of awards parties is no way to go through life, dear."