In honor of the holiday designed to emasculate men and keep the Palmer's Chocolate shareholders happy, The Mung Hour brings you guys a list of what not to do on Cupid's hump day:10) Actually wear the heart-covered silk boxer shorts your girlfriend gave you. You are the reason Larry the Cable Guy owns a Ferrari.
9) Agree to see the latest Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson rom-com. You might as well toss your BMW keys to your Dodge Caravan-owning neighbor and say, "Fuck it. It's yours."
9) Reminisce about your junior year Valentine's Day blowjob. Aloud. She really isn't into hearing about your fellatiated past, and now you've guaranteed one thing is off tonight's menu.
8) Hitting on the salesgirls at Vicky's Secret while you're shopping for your wife's thong. It's just not cricket, man.
7) Getting your date drunk. Dreams of a Basic Instinct style pound-fest will be replaced by the joy of Bissel'ing vomit out of your micro-suede couch.
6) Getting too drunk yourself. Nothing delights a woman more than a man who missed the toilet and has now peed all over her Clinique shelf.
5) Rattling off your ultra romantic and thoughtful Valentine's Day plans to your forever single, bovine female boss who has a date with Grey's Anatomy and a box of Entenmann's Frosted Popems.
4) Promising a night of oiled up massage, and out of the gate you offer her your smelly, toe-jammed, calloused feet to rub while parroting John Candy, "Boy my dogs are really barking tonight."
3) Forgo showering. She'll let you defile her any which way from Sunday, and you can't remember to scrub your taint for one night?
2) Tell her you'll meet her around 11pm. You might as well slather canned tuna and perfume all over yourself, because she's going to assume you're banging some other girl.
1) Forget. You don't remember the one romantic day of the year that EVERYONE remembers, and you may as well direct all calls to the nearest Public Storage, because this will be your new address.
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