Giddy Up, Space Cowboys!

**Updated - looks like Hugo Drax's evil plan to kill off all humans has been dashed! Or is this just a fake video put out by the government?

The collective pants-soiling of those fearful of the imminent downing of a dying spy satellite is reasonable considering the fuel tank contains 1,000 pounds' worth of the rocket propellant hydrazine. Call me Mulder, but I don't buy it. Personally, I think it's some Cold War-related secret, and the government has no desire to see it land in some redneck's backyard. The whole scenario is reminiscent of Clint Eastwood's directorial ode to geriatric actors eager to cash a good check prior to a permanent spot on the Bob Hope Classic tour. (Sorry, folks but 48 year-old soap star Jack Wagner usually wins that one.)

At least in Eastwood's 2000 film, the need for wearing diapers under space suits was understandable, given the ages of the main characters. So here we have the U.S. Navy claiming that a 'toxic explosion' is a possibility, hence the need to shoot the dying satellite down from orbit. Why blow it up? Let's send up Eastwood, Garner, Sutherland and Garner to fumble around up there. Great PR for Viagra. I can see the slogan now, "Get it Up to Get it Down."

The Pentagon is undoubtedly lying to us. My guess is the satellite is a vessel for a toxic plant aimed at eradicating all of humankind, ensuring a paradise to be re-populated by genetically perfect couples, chosen by some megalomaniacal billionaire. I think the latter scenario is much more exciting, particularly since someone named Dr. Goodhead could make it into the headlines.