Giants Not the Only Ones Handing Out Black Eyes

The biggest surprise of this past weekend was not just Tom Brady getting his balls handed to him by the New York Giants. Rather, it was Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus handing Jessica Alba’s The Eye a right cross at the box office. Packing in a whopping $31 million worth of admissions to her 3-D concert film, the Disney Channel crooner did so in a mere 683 theaters. To put this astounding feat into perspective, the flick earned more than double the nearest competitor on two-thirds LESS screens.

Anyone with a daughter between the ages of six and 14 invariably found resistance futile, brokering the deal to sit through 75 minutes of Disney Channel torture to ensure an unfettered Sunday to watch grown men stomp on each other’s nutsacks in the Super Bowl.

Anyone still think 3-D technology is limited to Chicken Little and volcano documentaries at city science museums? Didn’t think so. Add to the cuckold list all those naysayers who poo-poo’d the popularity of one Miley Cyrus and her tween alter ego. (Is Montana the Hyde to Cyrus’s Jekyll?) Regardless, both personalities know how to smack the living crap out of the competition. One could argue that Disney billed this concert as a limited event, but aren’t all theatrical releases technically limited events? Hence, let’s give it up to the appeal of 3-D. And little Miley Cyrus, spawn of the formerly mulleted Billy Ray Cyrus.

Now if Jessica Alba herself was offered up in 3-D, it might have been a different story.