10) PETA nazis paint-ball Travolta for the dead badger he's got atop his head.
9) Jack Nicholsen forgets to turn off his body mic when he hits the men's room to pinch off a grinder.
8) Salma Hayek's breasts explode from 150psi of milk pressure dousing the entire front row with enough colostrum to fill a swimming pool.
7) An inebriated Harrison Ford says to Mary Hart on the carpet, "Your neck looks like my wrinkly beanbag. Hey, you seen my gal, Skeletor anywhere?"
6) The ghost of Jack Valenti literally floats on the stage harping, "Murder! Murder most foul! Scorcese poured the leperous distilment into mine ear!"
5) Ryan Philippe and Chad Lowe co-present the Best Actress Award.
4) In the middle of presenting the Thalberg Award to Terrence Malick, Richard Gere deadpans to the camera in mid-sentence, "Yes, I did it. Let's move on."
3) Right before airtime, a Tyler Durden-esque film editor splices in a few seconds of Dirk Diggler's closing reveal and soliloquy during the "In Memoriam" montage.
2) Soy Bomb runs out dancing during Kristen Chenowith's Enchanted medley.
1) Kirstie Alley and Kathleen Turner crash the red carpet, tackle Keira Knightley and stuff her mouth full of Ho-Ho's before being Tazer'd and dragged off by security.
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