Someone has to say something about Sylvester Stallone's head. In this July 2005 pudding ad, he appeared to be a very fit 59 year-old man benefiting from strategic cosmetic procedures and a nice hairpiece.
A scant eighteen months later, he answers the question, "What if that guy who fell into the fat of toxic goop at the end of Robocop came out with a dead muskrat on his head?"
Are we supposed to pretend this man's head isn't 30% larger than it was less than two years ago? It's taken years, but we've accepted The new Oompa Loompa version of Barry Bonds. Then again, that dome would cause nausea if it were plastered all over an IMAX screen. When will someone explain to aging baseball players and action stars that the Human Growth Hormone turns their heads into Death Stars and their fingers into Li'l Smokies?
How can Stallone not know his face has doubled in size in less than twenty-four months? Yo, this hat used to fit. Has the constant Botoxing affected his wife's sight? I'd like to think my spouse would say, "Honey, your head is scaring the children."
I know the man has built no small part of his cinematic fame on his physical appearance, but can't he see the cranial expansion? Sure, it's important to have nice pecs and we were all flabbergasted by the taut torso in Rocky Balboa. A misshapen head may be too much of a sacrifice though.
We must collectively implore Mr. Stallone to stop the madness before he abandons plans for "Stop, Or My Mom Will Soil Herself!" to remake The Elephant Man sans need for Oscar caliber make-up effects.
"Yo, I am not an animal! I'm like a human being!"
Oh, and here's the latest trailer for the creatively titled Rambo, should any of you wonder how the man's cranium can be captured in a 35mm camera lens ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzZwzoD1ZFM&eurl=http://www.aintitcool.com/node/34540
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