It's been a year and we've crawled out from under our Indiana Jones hangover. Yes, it's taken that long for me to look back and realize that we had waited 19 years for a fourth film and what George Luca$ gave us was a trip down his bank account. I still can't recall what the film was about other than some alien's punch bowl head, which to be fair, is given away in the damn title. What did I learn from Indy IV? It's been a year now, so the memory of that film is as fuzzy as Calista Flockhart's age. Oh yeah, I learned that the Russians make adequate Nazis provided you show a large jarhead Russian beating an elderly adventurer senseless, that a person can only survive a one-mile drop kick inside of a refrigerator if the source of the concussion is a hydrogen bomb, that dropping 300 feet down three waterfalls gives you a bump on the head and the giggles. Oh yeah, and Shia LeBeouf got popped for being stoned outside a CVS somewhere in the U.S. Wait, was that in the movie? I can't remember.
Speaking of Shia, aka The Luckiest Fucking Kid On the Planet Earth, he survived last summer's green screen embarrassment, getting his balls handed to him by Kate Blanchett's sword just fine. He's back later this month, dry-humping Megan Fox up against his pet robot car again. Something tells me the hangover from Michael Bay's latest Transforming trip down the Hasbro aisle at Target will be longer than a year. Check back in June 2010. Too bad Megan Fox wasn't in Indy IV last year. She could have cameo'd as one of Professor Jones' love-struck students who has the words, "Suck You Off" tattoo'd to her eyelids.
No comments:
Post a Comment