Putting a Period on the Period

Question of the day: who the hell is watching these period films? They are everywhere, yet does anyone pay to see them besides theater students and that chunky, closeted coworker who likes to give shoulder massages? Toss in a few single British thirty-somethings who actually think James McAvoy is a hunk, and that's about it.

Twenty years ago, a film like Dangerous Liaisons not only nabbed some Oscar nominations but even enjoyed an audience. Maybe it's because they were few and far between. For every Merchant Ivory film where Emma Thompson or Helena Bonham Carter sucked in their tummies for the corseted dress and Hugh Grant stammered in Edwardian attire, there are dozens of more recent films that come and go like the wind. And they all seem to star Keira Knightly. Perhaps her deal with the Devil for the Pirates franchise meant a lifetime of wearing bodices and doublets. Similarly, Orlando Bloom has done one film without a sword at his side, and it was one of Cameron Crowe's largest bombs.

When The Duchess comes out next month, ask anyone around you if they plan on seeing it and listen to the crickets. It's a foregone conclusion that a hunky actor seeks to pad his resume with period fare in an attempt at depth and range. Heath Ledger in Casanova comes to mind . Or the ditzy actress looking for credibility. Think Scarlett Johanns0n in The Other Boleyn Girl and The Prestige (at least the latter had Batman vs. Wolverine). One can't help but wonder what goes through a studio exec's mind when they say aloud, "Yeah, that fang-toothed bimbo from Spider-Man? Let's cast her as Marie Antoinette!"

Period films can be a terrific ride through history and great escapism if done with intrigue, style and a flare for the naughty. If we pay to sit through an entire film with Scarlett Johannson bursting out of her corset, can we please SEE HER BURST? R-ratings, folks. And how about some good ol' gore? Remember when Liam Neeson literally cut Tim Roth in half with his broadsword in Rob Roy? Now we're talking!

Nothing wrong with period films, but the recent past seems to be a lot cooler, particularly in the mid 20th century. May we humbly request a bit more L.A. Confidential and a little less Wuthering Heights?