Episode V: The Island Strikes Back

On ABC's Lost, we've got Jack, Kate and Sawyer, aka Luke, Leia and Han. Well, if that were true, then Jack would be Kate's brother, but since Claire is really his sister, that's out. But for the sake of fanboy comparison, enough to send shudders through the loins of your average pud-tugging Warcraft player, Jack is Luke, Sawyer is Han Solo and Hurly is Chewbacca. I guess Ben isn't Ben, because Locke is Ben. Kenobi, that is. Or because of his baldness, is Locke really Mace Windu? No, he can't be Mace Windu. He's white. Well, they killed off all the black folks on the show, so maybe Locke is Mace. But Mace didn't exist with Luke, Han and Leia. Too bad there isn't a 1-800-GEEK phone number to call in these analogies. Best Buy, take note.

Due to the toxic levels of nerdity running through today's post, the Gods of Reason have just doused my genitals with a bolt of lightening, ensuring I will never procreate. Still, one cannot be faulted for viewing the world of Lost through the same Star Wars prism that JJ Abrams and his Generation X crew clearly have. Maybe it's a stretch to compare the weathered VW bus that Hurly drove through the jungle as the Millennium Falcon, but Sawyer is definitely cut from the Correllian cloth. And we can all savor the image of Evangline Lily's Kate in donut braids and Jabba's slave girl bikini thong.

Circling back to the altar of romance and heartache, there is something very touching about the tragic Dr. Jack Shepherd hucking his dignity at every turn to allow Kate the romps in the hay with Sawyer or the freedom in their rescue (the details of which we are just now learning as Season 4 rolls on). On the other end of the quadrangle, we have Sawyer. The mercenary who just wants to collect the reward for rescuing the princess. And to get laid. The braggart and solitaire who will let no one inside but brings his A-game when his friends need it. He may get Kate's body and her heart, but her soul belongs to Jack, and he knows it.

Complicating matters it the statuesque Juliette, whose affections for Jack upset not just the romantic apple carts, but possibly the safety of everyone on the island, as we learned from last week's episode.

So where in Star Wars does Juliette fit in? Hmmm. Maybe she's C-3PO. Golden, slender and made to suffer.