First of all, I'd like to welcome you for spending quality time, minutes out of your life, to read the blatherings of someone whose opinion and observations mean about as much to the world as the 7-11 on Van Owen and Lankersheim in NoHo. My opinions are typically tempered by the amount of high fiber cereal I had for breakfast, or more importantly, the amount of broccoli and tofu I ate the night before. Thanks for taking time away from the tmz.com ambulance chas-- er, journalists or those immensely talented defamer.com rummies to spy my site. Hey, free marketing for the aforementioned entertainment sites. I ought to at least get an autographed photo of Britney's pock-marked ass signed by Harvey Levin.
As this is my first bit of writing at this location, I will start out today with the most unoriginal of icebreakers between writer and reader: a list.
OBJECTS IN MIRROR LOOK LARGER THAN THEY APPEAR:
1) Reverend Al Sharpton's head.
2) Harrison Ford's liquor cabinet.
3) Valerie Bertinelli.
4) The envy of Shia LeBoeuf's former classmates who called him a dick in school.
5) Barry Manilow's Botox bill.
6) The round planet about to crush The View's Sherri Shepherd in what my college ethics professor would call 'ironic punishment'.
7) Michael Vick's future shower mate.
8) Bill O'Reilly's salivary glands as he listens to Hillary's health care plan
9) Thunderous crash to the ground of Lady Justice's scales when Phil Specter gets off with slap on the wrist.
10) Conan O'Brien. 2009 is right around the corner, Jay.
3 comments:
YAY! Welcome to Blah-gland! Great photo...Did you really wear that hat?
That's right, I forgot, you were a Bell-Buddy too!
I just hope he still has the uniform.
Anybody born after 1960 with previous paper hat experience will be at a huge advantage after The Social Security Administration goes into default. The coveted Wal-Mart greeter jobs will be highly sought after and difficult to find in urban areas. Most of us will be forced to forage for employment in the food service or janitorial industries.
Sales of Chalupas and Gordidas will be what allows Generations X and Y to purchase Lipitor and much needed colonic polyp removals.
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