It's Not the 4th, But a Brief Essay on Fourths Anyway

(Special Contributing Mung Hour Writer - Double-S)
Four of anything is probably too many. My thoughts on some we've seen and some we will/might see...

• Dirty Harry 4 - Paced quicker than the first three, this one had less dramatic 'impact', but was a crowd pleaser. I loved it to death, but was sixteen, so I get a pass.
• Die Hard 4 - It barely worked. Huge assist from Justin Long.
• Lethal Weapon 4 - Excrement. A series of bad SNL skits with guns.
• Indy 4 - Fun in the theatre on first viewing, but really wasn't very good.
• Terminator 4 - Doesn't really count. 4th installment in name only.
• Rocky IV - Excrement of the highest order. Not even really a film. It's the last five minutes of the third film, a James Brown video, several montages, and two protracted boxing matches. If memory serves, there were only two scenes where people actually spoke with each other.
• Rambo IV - Two words: Li'l Smokies. Talkin' about your hands, Sly. Lay off the rBGH.
  
• Superman IV - I'm not going to pick on a dead quad, but it was bad even by 1989 standards.
• Batman & Robin - Makes Rocky IV look like Richard III.
• Spidey IV - To me, they'd be better off waiting another couple of years, then re-casting Parker with an older actor and doing a trilogy with him. Tobey will look like a moppet when he's fifty. Squeezing out a 4th one five years after the third seems like a bad play, especially if they've still got him sputtering around NY on that fucking mo-ped.
• Pirates IV - This is a unique franchise in that it requires only two things: The movie business mind of Jerrry Bruckheimer and the acting talents of Johnny Depp. Absolutely no one else needs to return for this to be successful. I would, in fact, suggest that the best thing they could do is punt every one save for a few of the supporting players. Geoffrey Rush would be a nice add, but they could do it without him. In fact, for me, this one is only interesting if they wait awhile and come back with a whole new creative team. Depp could revisit this one well into his sixties.

I know this isn't a 4th, but I keep hearing about it...

Rambo V - Please, God, no.