1999 was a pretty big year at the movies, bigger still for visual FX houses. April gave us a double punch of The Matrix and The Mummy, both groundbreaking films in their use of CGI and balls-out action A month later, we were forced to endure Episode I: The Phantom Menace. While wishing the pox upon George Luca$ for the intolerable He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned Binks shoved down our throats, most people would agree that the FX of the pod race and the space scenes were top notch. Now can we go back and digitally erase young Anakin from the entire movie?
Out of all the blockbusters of '99, Stephen Sommers' The Mummy was arguably the best date movie. Derided for its overuse of CGI, implausible action sequences, wretched dialog and cardboard characters, it was very successful and launched the careers of Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz onto the A-list. It was a fairly pioneering film that blended modern technology with the Raiders-esque style of action and setting and threw in a dash of 1930s classic horror.
2001's The Mummy Returns worked really hard to weave in an absurdly convenient storyline for its protagonists and introduce us to the Rock, but it relied too much on CGI and too little on any real weight of story. Basically, the Mummy comes back and there's a bunch of fighting leading up to one of the weakest CGI character since "E.T. the Extra Terrestrial" video game for the Atari 2600. We're talking about that absurd Scorpion King monster with the Rock's digital face glued to it. Horrible. And it committed one of the bigger TV/Film sins, introducing a young kid, aka the 'Cousin Oliver' for all you Brady Bunch fans.
So this weekend, we've got The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Much Needed Universal Tentpole. We're to believe that Brendan Fraser's toupee and face have aged a mere five years, but now he's got a 20 year-old son. And we're meant to believe that Rachel Weisz would turn down a paycheck for her dignity (unheard of in Hollywood). Replacing her as the pert and perky Evie O'Connell is the newest MILF in town, Maria Bello. I don't know which to fear more, her attempt at a British accent or the Freudian tension between she and her 'son', Luke Goss as young Alex O'Connell.
Regardless, the trailers suggest a rewind to 2001 with marginally improved CGI and every bit as painful dialog. Stephen Sommers has exited the series to a perfect project for him, the film adaptation of the 80s toy commercial, I mean animated babysitter, G.I. Joe. After the craptacular Van Helsing in 2004, directing a film about human toy soldiers spitting out groaners and blowing stuff actually makes sense. Nearly as perfect as pairing Michael Bay with transforming trucks.
Having not seen the third Mummy yet, should we judge this unnecessary film by the quality of its predecessor or look to the critics? With a 12% rotten rating at rottentomatoes.com, I think Universal would prefer we marvel at Jet Li, Michele Yeoh and a family triumvirate of attractive protagonists. And wait! They've thrown not one, not two but three Abominable Snowmen! Wait just a minute folks. Dammit. Did they just borrow the CGI werewolves from Van Helsing and bleach their fur?
